I find myself in a rather pervasive state of sadness. Maybe it’s because, at age 64, I’m looking at what I’ve done with my life and what I feel like I still need to do, and find myself wanting.
But I don’t think that accounts for my despair. I don’t think I’m ambitious enough for that.
I think a great deal of my sense of malaise is because I see so much conflict in the world. And I’m not talking about wars. Or even politics, although politics factors in.
What I’m talking about is the recurring phenomenon of people not being able to communicate with each other. Oh, they can rant. Even argue (or so they think). But for people to sit down with each other (or even exchange emails) and try to understand each other well enough to change someone’s mind (especially their own)… that seems to be a rare thing indeed.
Recently, a friend of mine wrote to me about moral decline. He is a devout Christian and proud conservative. I am rather devoutly non-religious (sometimes even anti-religious), and admittedly liberal.
I only say “admittedly” because I am actively and devotedly centrist, but I’m also trying to be honest with myself. I have many liberal friends who consider me rather conservative. But I can’t say I have any conservative friends who would call me conservative. So I guess I’m at least somewhat liberal.
My friend wrote to me about how the past 60 years of American history has seen a moral decline that is primarily a derivative of a number major liberal themes being introduced and mainstreamed into our culture in America. “From freelove in the 60s (out of wedlock births, abortion, and STDs), to no fault divorce in the 70s (single parent households, latch-key kids, blended Families), to rampant (out of the closet) homosexuality in the 80s (Assault on the sexaul order of life, AIDS, pedophilia and adolescentphilia), to glorifying Gangsta culture and promiscuity in the 90s (Baby Mommas, celebration of criminal behavior, objectification of women as Bitches and Hos), to “libertarian” views of legalizing weed in the 2000s (Gateway drug, Overdoses, more Mental Health psychosises), to ghey marriage in the 2010s (Family structure eroded and redefined, tacit endorsement of homosexualioty by goveremnt, infringed religioius liberty – “make me my cake Fascist”), to the mental insanity of today’s transgender movement (Gential mutilation, men in women’s spaces, men in women’s sports).”
There’s a lot to unpack in that statement. Given that my friend approaches everything in his life from a Biblical perspective (I think he would agree), it’s difficult for me to even find a starting point of commonality.
There is truth in much of what he says, although some digging reveals that he’s oversimplifying and generalizing in some cases. There are flip-sides to many of those statements that mostly grow out of the basic premise of “if the world was so much better then, why did it change?”
Single-parent households come with a lot of problems. But are unhappy marriages any better? Maybe not, or no fault divorce may not have gone viral.
Yes, objectification of women is a bad thing. But was it any better in the 50’s or was it just different. I can’t even watch Sean Connery James Bond film anymore — it turns my stomach.
I don’t know why my friend thinks liberals condone pedophilia or adolescentphilia (a word which I hadn’t even heard before). Probably because he lumps it in with “free love” (before my time), and homosexuality. I don’t see the connection. To me, I don’t understand why it’s any of his business what consenting adults do in the privacy of their own home. I think most of the problem that conservatives have with “rampant” (is it?) homosexuality is the “out of the closet” part. Makes them uncomfortable.
Anyway, I could go on. None of that is my point.
My point is that even this friend of mine (whom I’ve known for… decades, I think) and I have a difficult time understanding one another. It takes every bit of restraint I can muster sometimes to try and stick to the UnderstandingOnPurpose … “protocol”, I guess you’d call it:
- You might be wrong. I need to keep reminding myself that being wrong feels exactly like being right.
- Disagreement requires understanding. just as much as agreement does.
- Understanding requires collaboration. Until the other guy says, “Yes, that’s what I mean,” you don’t know what they mean.
- Collaboration requires trust. Best to relate to each other as humans first. Adversaries next.
My friend tells me that I have fallen victim to the “Fallacy of the Fence Sitter” when I assert that each end of the political or ideological spectrum is equally at fault; that the “real” truth (i.e., the one that is right in my own eyes) lies somewhere in the middle.
I haven’t said this out loud before, because I don’t WANT to believe it. But the truth is that I’ve always known that the middle isn’t necessarily any more correct than either end of the spectrum.
But that doesn’t mean it’s any less correct.
I don’t care so much about any particular issue. I care deeply, passionately, that we can’t let our guards down long enough to look each other in the eyes and see ourselves in them.